Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
