wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
