and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
