Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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