What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
