He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
