So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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