i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
