I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
