your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
