I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
