remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
