We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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