Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
