Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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