I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We're too hungover to prance.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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