I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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