The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize