Will you blow on my dice?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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