so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You are a genius and a whore.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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