sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize