He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
