we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
