I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
