I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
