Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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