Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
