I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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