im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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