Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
