I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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