They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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