He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
