you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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