I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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