i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
