Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
