everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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