Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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