She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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