No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
