I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
