Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
