Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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