I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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