xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
