i barfeds in our rink
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i will never coherently bang her
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
