a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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