nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
