Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
