Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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