apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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