hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
