i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
