Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
