this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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