I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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