My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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