She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
MIDGETS
????
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
