recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
