Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
