Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
