wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
