he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
