I need to stop coming to work sober
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
