I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
