Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
