too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
