I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Randomize
