I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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