Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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